Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
