He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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