This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
