You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
