No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
