I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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