If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Everything about him screamed your future.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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