Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You don't make any sense
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