then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
