I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
