My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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