You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
