Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
