At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
