you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
