After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize