her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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