Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
