Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I got inside last night via doggy door
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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