I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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