Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My penis needs a shock collar
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
