I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
