$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
