Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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