addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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