Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
