You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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