You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I need a beard to bite.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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