so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
