tell your sister to shave her snatch
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
