i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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