I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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