i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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