I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
