I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
