You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
