Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
