If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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