to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
