What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
