if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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