what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
