i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
