How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
