i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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