I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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