thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
