everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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