Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
