I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Soap is not a condiment
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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