11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
