it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
