So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
