I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
