this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize