I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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