My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
