I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
