i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize