We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
