The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Randomize
