he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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