you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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