i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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