I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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