What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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