There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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