I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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