I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
