Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
