As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
