Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize