Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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