you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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