she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
