you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize