I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
