Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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