I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
