I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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