Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
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