well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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