we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
