she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
3pm strippers are depressing
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
i think im in europe. pls send help
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
