so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
