I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
