My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
