Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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