belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
