Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
